Redneck Computer Literacy

• LOG ON: Making a wood stove hot
• LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood
• MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove
• DOWNLOAD: Gittin the farwood off the truck
• MEGA HERTZ: When ya drop the farwood on your foot
• FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from trying to tote too much farwood
• RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood
• HARD DRIVE: Gitting home in the winter time
• WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside
• SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's blak fly season
• BYTE: Whut dem dang flies do
• CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
• MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
• MODEM: Whatcha do to the hay fields
• DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife
• LAPTOP: Whar the kitty sleeps
• KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
• SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes
• MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
• MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole
• MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof
• PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
• ENTER: Northerner talk fer, "C'Mon in y'all"
• CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun
• DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when you pull the trigger
• REBOOT: Whut you have to do right before bedtime when you forgot to use the outhouse.