How to Annoy Everyone At Work

  1. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
  2. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting.
  3. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
  4. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
  5. Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
  6. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
  7. Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
  8. Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
  9. Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $25 each.
  10. No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
  11. Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
  12. Grow mold in your coffee cup.
  13. Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
  14. When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
  15. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
  16. Compose all your text messages in rhyming couplets.
  17. Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your cell phone.
  18. Highlight your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
  19. Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
  20. Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Call of Duty last night."
  21. Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
  22. Decorate your office with pictures of Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber. Try to pass them off as your children.
  23. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.