Seventeen Truth's About Kids

AMNESIA:
Condition that enables a woman, who has gone through labor, to want more children.

DUMBWAITER:
One who asks if the kids would care for desert.

FAMILY PLANNING:
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the brink of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK:
The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME:
What you call your child when you're angry with him.

GRANDPARENTS:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a bad word.

IMPREGNABLE:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OUCH!:
The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL:
When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOWOFF:
A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING:
When the baby smiles and her face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:
Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT:
None of the kids that live in your house.